I remembered why I don’t like it.

JaneSo the universe is putting me to the test yet again. I recently took yet another ghost writing job. So close, yet so far from acting.

I took the job, feeling like I NEED THE MONEY!!!

Well a few days into it, I remembered why I don’t like it, how my boss keeps me in a repressed little box, and is at this point just utterly degrading my full potential. His version of being direct is being ungrateful, while I’m performing miracles making wine out of water with 24 hour turn-arounds and he is still focused so hard on what’s wrong or could potentially be wrong that he makes you feel incompetent while all you are doing is the best you can, with the resources he has chosen to give to you. I’ve asked for better, he says no….apparently doesn’t understand the concept you get what you pay for, and the icing on the cake…is the few little things he tries to make me wrong for, was Actually in REALITY right & efficient, it just wasn’t HIS WAY, and I’m being made to deal with his fears, and anxieties for making promises to his client that HE can’t live up to. YET I’M AUTHENTIC IN MINE!

And this time I know it’s not just me. It’s time to be the “stars” we are meant to be!!!

And I’m finally promising myself, NO MORE! I’m walking through the terror of my final test.

And so I’m throwing my hands up in the air and asking whatever is out there….”tell me, what now?”

Please, give me a sign.

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The Difference a Day Makes

I am finally opening up my box full of treasures. This is the feeling of being tempered…it is when I start a new job, show, cast, a new beginning…although it excites me to think that a new today is the beginning of the rest of my life! And because my ships never returned my treasures…My love for …. well….. let’s call him Tyrone… has never left me, and honestly I don’t know if it ever will leave me. Perhaps, is it even real?

The more I think about it, maybe it’s just in my head that at the time I was with him, I was trying to find meaning in my life, a new life, a new relationship, a new me. There is a cadence between me and the circle of life, a fresh new circle everyday, with high winds, bursting fire, and fresh green leaves growing on my hibiscus tree. Gary’s show is my second gig back into the industry, and I really feel that this is a fresh new start to building my relationship back—and my career itself. Had I not met Tyrone, I would’ve never been hired for this show. But more about him another time.

I am in a totally different place in my life now than I was a year ago, coming from a background of poverty, being homeless at one time, traveling like a gypsy and having never had a solid “belief system”. I remember eating bread and sugar, carrying it in the back of my pockets and as I starved I would break bits and pieces of bread to divide them up throughout the day to last. I figured bread, because it can expand in my stomach and sugar because it makes me high! How I love the high n sugar is a natural source of going through an intense bootcamp! Oh…and I forgot, a sprinkle of parsley flakes for my vitamin E nutrients for the day.

Also, I have a confession to make. The day of the audition, I had to cut out a cardboard piece from the grocery’s dumpster to attach onto my jeans so it looked like a pair of Guess jeans. It actually helped me out in my audition for this show. I remember the director telling me he liked my jeans! I thought…wow…it worked! I will never tell it was a piece of cardboard fake brand label until I make it to the Oscars one day.

What a difference today has seen, here I am, getting ready to start a brand new show, and possibly a brand new life with Tyrone.

There’s Something About Mary

LauraOkay, so I “auditioned” today (a mere formality) for Gary’s new show, and I ended up dancing with waif of a thing named Mary.  I heard a lot about how she was nervous, why she nervous, who she was nervous with…and a LOT about her daughter… A saint would’ve lost patience with this one!

She was named after a month her daughter…June? May? April! That’s it!  April this, April that, April, April, April, when I…with April, when April calls…, I stopped when April…, I have to do this for April… On. And. On.  I went home and ripped that month out of my calendar, I’m going straight from March to May.  I’m kidding, but if I had a mom-gene to begin with, this one scared—no, bored—it out of me.

But here’s the kicker, she was actually kinda good, this Mary.  She’s got some fire inside her after all.  I had to give her a push (no, really, a literal push into the audition room) but once we started, I think we actually fed off of each other.  It was energizing dancing with her.  She lost her martyred mother bashfulness and…I think this chick’s gonna land it!  And strangely enough…I’m really excited about it!! There’s just no telling what a person can do when a tiny push exposes the untapped wells of natural resources inside.

Listen to me! Sappy McGee!  Pretty soon I’ll be “Auntie Laura” wishing I had one of my own… Mmmmm, no thanks!